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Wandering through Widowhood – Weeping

April 17, 2018

And so we start our journey with the first letter, W, which I have switched to weeping. Best to get past that, right?

A hideous wail, one of two.
“Lord, I can’t look at myself right now. I don’t want to look at myself ever again.”
But I took a quick glance. The mirror revealed features misshapen by crying so hard I almost choked—a face so red from the pressure of the screams it was grotesque.
“I’m all alone, Lord! I’m alone! Alone! Alone!” I banged my fists on the counter.
I splashed cold water on my hideous mask and closed my eyes to the mirror. My now too-big bed never looked so welcoming.
“Lord, give me restful, peaceful sleep. Please!”

That was a grand meltdown of meltdowns. I don’t remember how long it had been since Sam went home to heaven. It probably happened when the grief fog began to lift. When was that? I don’t remember. Ha!

I woke every morning for a long while with the thought that I know where Sam is. One day I will see him again, and we will together worship Jesus forever. And I smiled because God is so good to help me remember that. I am not alone; the King of the universe is with me as I go through this seemingly unquenchable longing. The key is acknowledging His presence as He heals me through the tears He uses for healing.

After almost 3 1/2 years, I can finally look in the mirror after crying. The wails have calmed to occasional, explosive bursts and more often quiet tears that sneak out when a memory is too painful or even too beautiful. Those are the calming tears–the tears that are followed by prayer and a heart-smile.

Those weeping crashes weren’t fun, but I learned they are necessary (ugh). If you are a widow, you will or already know that truth. God gave us tears to release the paralyzing agony from our souls.
“Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning.” (Psalm 30:5b) It’s true, and I will not state this truth in a roundabout way; unless you know Christ, you won’t heal. Don’t know Him?  The Gospel of John in the Bible is a fabulous place to learn about Jesus. Got questions? I’m here, and if I get stumped, I can get help!

Here’s the Bible I use. Click on the link to have a look.

 

Remember:

  • Go ahead and weep.
  • Your soul is healing through the tears.
  • If your friends want to cry with you, by all means let them. God sent them to rejoice and also to mourn with you.
  • Makeup can be fixed after a good cry (insert a big smile here).

Let me know how you are weeping. Let me know how I can pray for you. Hey! I’ve been where you are.

Next up: Immanuel, the One who heals.

  1. God’s perfect timing to share with Mom, as that first anniversary approaches. Thank you for being obedient to His calling.

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